I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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