I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
