Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
