Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
