Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You're my little dorito
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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