OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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