apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
