I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
