I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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