So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
