I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
