they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
