after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
