You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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