So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
