new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
