....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
