I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
