I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
