I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
