omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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