What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
