ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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