Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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