So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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