i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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