Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
