Barsexuality is the new black.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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