so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
