New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The uberlube is also flammable
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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