i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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