I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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