On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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