The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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