Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize