i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So many bounce houses so little time
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
