So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
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Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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