remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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