I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
