goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
