hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
