I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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