I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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