The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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