I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
