Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
