So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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