I accidentally burped into my bong.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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