you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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