Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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