I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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