Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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