Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
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New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
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It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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