She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
