I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
