At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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