And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
