I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
