I will die if light touches me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
