He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is my gift to your gina
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
