I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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