dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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