So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
