some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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