Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
