The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
