you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
