It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
