I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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