New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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