I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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