she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
